Okay, it's been ages.
Updates...not pregnant (I still do not have the courage to try again...yet. Maybe. One day. Sooner rather than later).
So I moved back home after being almost 1,000 miles away for almost a year.
I returned to work (same profession new location).
A beautiful miracle baby joined our family (husband's cousin) who has given me the audacity to hope and believe.
I started seeing a therapist to deal specifically with my medical post traumatic stress disorder.
I am more physically active and have lost 30lbs to date (I am now a size 4).
If I had a baby to hold in my arms, love, cuddle, and nurse with my husband at my side, I would be happy beyond measure.
Instead, I am working at a job that is thankless and stressful (regardless of my salary increase) while pretending that I am not depressed and sad longing for two babies that will not come back to me in the physical sense.
I wish I had something grand to share after all this time, but I don't so I can't.
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Thank you for commenting on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the new baby in your family made you feel hope and belief, instead of angry bitterness, my current state with new pregnancies/babies.
I know there are no words that can really help, but know I am thinking of you and sitting with you in grief.
Ms. g brokenheartdiaries.blogspot.com