After almost a year and two baby losses I have come to realize (for tonight...maybe just tonight) that some things are just scientific, random, biological laws of nature...otherwise known as the other side of statistics that someone has to be on. As much as it hurts us like crazy and makes us question everything we have ever known and believed in, the truth is it just so happen to be us. That's it. Nothing special about it. No reason that we were selected for this fate other than the fact that it had to be somebody. We are the somebodies!!!
Next step is up to us. How do we choose to view this? How do we choose to move on? For me, I like to think that my babies needed a special, sacred, loving, and nurturing space for just a limited time. I like to think that they instinctively knew that only I could provide the space where they could feel pure love, peace, joy, and at home. I'm so special that they chose to come to me.
Sometimes I think and believe that now just wasn't the time for us to be together here on earth..."Now what I'm I supposed to do when I want you in my world?" As much as it may pain me in the here and now, I'd like to think that I will see and be with them next lifetime. Maybe we'll be butterflies together at the same time. I'll just have to wait a little while.
For days that I choose to look at this scientifically and statiscally...the numbers just add up. One in five pregnancies end in baby losses. I am the one in five. Twice. That's it. My losses have no theme. They are not related. They are completely random situations that could have happened to any two different women. Instead, they happened to me. Lightening struck twice. If this was the megamillion lottery, I would be beyond happy.
But it's not. So I just cope instead.
How do you view your losses? What helps you to make it through the heartache?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Now that we have an established pattern, I am seeking medical answers. I have two living children, but had a miscarriage, live birth, miscarriage (we got to watch the heartbeat slow on the ultrasound screen. That was fun ;-( live birth and the a still birth at 39 weeks. I got 12 vials of blood taken at the doctor last week. And, although I don't get to try again (Dh got a vasectomy. I hate that so so much.) I want to know if there is something that my body does wrong. Sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't think of an answer to this question - it is too new for me.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see an email for you and I wanted to send you this:
http://youareabeautifulmother.blogspot.com/
Happy mother's day to a beautiful mother.